Giuliani Unveils New Terror Strategy

(This picture of Rudy Judy is real not doctored!)

At a campaign rally following the recent GOP Presidential Debate, former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani announced Friday an unexpected shift in his terror strategy. The new plan is designed to offer a "final solution" to the War on Terror, while maintaining the integrity of the armed forces. Giuliani cited his recent spat with Congressman Ron Paul during the debate as the impetus behind his epiphany.

Congressman Paul provoked the former mayor when he argued that America’s interventionist foreign policy played a key role in inciting terrorist attacks against the country. Paul, an ardent Constitutionalist, believed that America should follow the Jeffersonian dictum of "peace, commerce, and honest friendship with all nations, entangling alliances with none." An indignant Giuliani reminded the crowd that because he was mayor during the September 11th attacks, he was astounded anyone could make such an absurd statement. Giuliani passionately argued that, contrary to Paul’s claims, the "terrorists hate America because of its freedoms."

Giuliani, ignoring the findings of both the 9/11 Commission and the CIA, insisted that bureaucrats who were not mayors of New York City on September 11th, as he was, are not qualified to understand the mind of fear-mongering groups like Al-Qaeda. Instead, the mayor asserted, the fact that the country has a Bill of Rights and Constitution is the reason why it is so despised in the Middle East. This insight led the former mayor of New York City to rethink his previous support of the Iraq War.

"If they hate us for our freedoms, let’s take those freedoms away. By abandoning the Bill of Rights and instituting martial law, we can not only end this deadly war, but we can depreive bin Laden of the rhetorical ammunition he uses against us. Why didn’t the terrorists attack China? Or North Korea?"

Surprisingly, Democratic leadership praised the proposal. Eager to leave Iraq, Senator Nancy Pelosi hoped that the proposed police state would be a great force for social change. "Finally the troops will come home and be put to better use. I will be the first to end partisanship bickering and reach across the aisle to work with the mayor."